Sunday, April 4, 2010

so glad for march to be over. what a shitty month.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Sunday, February 28, 2010

thailand segment two: KOH PHANG-NGAN

Thailand adventures cont.! This time with entertaining photo auxillary!

I'll resume where we left off, which was somehwere on Phi Phi island. After we left that tourist trap, we travelled for a gruelling 14-hours by longboat, bus, minibus, ferry and taxi to the party island: Koh Phang-Ngan.

The ferry was interesting. It was a ship that had rows of matresses on the floor, which you would pretty much nab as quickly as possible so that you didn't have to cuddle up next to a snoring Thai family. After a rocky night's sleep...

...5am, we arrive. Now there's a couple of things about Koh Phang-Ngan that we notice immediately that separate it from the rest of Thailand.

Firstly, no middle-aged fat Americans - PLUS! Lots of young people - PLUS! Most of them are wearing fluro tshirts - NEG! The beach is gorgeous - PLUS! There are British girls swimming topless just cause they can - NEG! That and Thai's seemingly love two things: Buddha, and fire. Cos I swear, anything they can set on the fire, THEY'LL FUCKING DO IT. Limbo sticks, hula hoops, skipping ropes. Come one, come all drunk white folk, come burn the shit out of yourselves. Eleanor tries her hand at fire-skipping.

When white folk aren't trying their luck on the rope'o'fire, the locals begineth the fire twirling. You'd think everyone on the island is a part-time fire twirler, cos even their fucking five year old offspring are out on the beach at midnight dousing sticks with gasoline to entertain the hordes of shitfaced 'ferang'.

Second of all, the stray animals. I couldn't help rushing up to and petting everytime I had a chance, some of them appreciative of my whitey love and some.. not so much. In the space of one day a cat bit me on the foot, and I nearly got my hand mauled by a mongrel on a doorstop. However most of the time the animals were friendly and loved a scratch... except for this cunt.

... too good for my pats. Well, whatevs at you monkey.

And thirdly, the BUCKETS. Every corner store, pharmacy, restaurant or clothes shop had a little table setup of buckets out the front. When you walked along the beach, if you even turned your head a fraction of the way in the direction of the bucket stalls they'd start beckoning you with yells. Here is an example of one of the many bucket stalls lining the beach (take note of the 'free kiss' you will recieve from Johhny upon a bucket purchase.)

We ended up buying off "Emma: Fuck My Bucket", cos she looked the cleanest.

Anyway. We had a few days to go until the Half Moon party, so we chilled here for a few days, going to foam parties, jet skiing and general touristy shit.

One notable snorkelling tour we did was the 'Snoop Dogg Boat Trip' (apparently the dudes who ran it were really into the 'Dog). This ensued lots of filthy jokes on the way home as the waves splashed on us like: "Snoop Dogg is making me wet".

Our resident narcoleptic got pretty tired on the boat on the way home, nawww..

We next moved on to another part of the island to this amazing bungalow place that had the most picturesque beach I've been to yet. And the place had air conditioning, which was, given its price, pretty epic.

L'nore indulges in a beer.

Lying on the beach and drinking coconuts, buying our time until the Half Moon party which will be discussed in segment three. Coming soon..

Sunday, February 14, 2010


So.... we've been in Thailand for about 14 or so days now. Brief summaries INITIATE.

Currently, we have docked into Phi Phi Island and it is Valentines Day. Spending it in a twizzle-stick sized restaurant entitled "Garlic 1992". The restaurant got like, fucked up hard by the Boxing Day tsunami, and has all these impressive photos of the building carnage on the wall for us to browse as we eat our pad thai. One of our travelling comrades has befallen to the curse of food poisoning, now making that the third one to spend 18 hours foetul-positioned next to a hostel toilet. Fabulous timez all round. Prior to her E coli misfortunes, earlier today we went snorkelling. The water here really does look like the pictures, inky greens and aquamarines. We saw an enormous striped sea cucumber hanging out on some coral, much to our amusement. A sea cucumber, seriously who penned that term. Someone awesome that's who.

We started off our trip in Chiang Mai up north and then moved on to Bangkok and Phuket. Chiang Mai involved elephants, food poisoning (damn Western food, always a trap - why do we never learn?) and a big trekking trip with literally the palest person I've ever seen in my life. Re: photos on facebook later for physical evidence of her luminescent skin. Our convoy also included some lovely Zimbabwean personal trainers, some DC girls and a German blonde with a hilariously strange accent mix of Californian and Scottish. Trip was swell, our guides ended up getting fucked up on moonshine the first night of our trip, playing awful covers of Hey Jude and all the while we all watched tentatively from the campfire.

Bangkok was blisteringly humid, overflowing to the brim with bargain clothes stores and ladyboys and fast tuk-tuks. However it is NOTHING to the absurbity that is Patong Beach in Phuket. After just leaving that place this morning, I can now say that within 48 hours of being that place I have seen a woman pull turtles, eels and budgies out of her nether regions, actually convincing lady boys and street vendors throwing iguanas onto tourists shoulders trying to get money for a photo. Slowly crisping myself and aim to return to Australia with a killa' tan, something akin to ... Tilda Swinton. Yeah.

I've read the only two novels I brought with me for the trip within the first two days of my trip, so now I've taken to stealing books from hostels as I go. My most recent thieving accomplishment was called "Heat," however, which has spent three chapters divulging boring information about Washington State weather (I kid you not, three chapters on that shit), so might buy a Kindle or something, or write more blogs.

I began to write a poem on our boat ride back from Maya beach to the mainland as the sun was setting, but then my friend started vomiting via food poisoning and the tone changed:

Thai sea, like big ink blots diluting through mirrors
A passenger falling in love with the dusky sky,
A passenger vomiting off the side.