Sunday, December 14, 2008

An older post pt. 1/5

There are a select few individuals in this world that should have been exterminated from the gene pool.

People like the "musician" Mika.

I find Mika extremely offensive in many ways.

Firstly, his name. I suppose having parents name you "Mica" in the first place is cruel enough. But changing the "c" to the "k" just to have a more marketable title is not the best of ideas. For example; search for "MIKA" in Google Images, and you'll see what I mean. Cough Japanese girl beaver shots.

Secondly, his music. Let's analyse his hit single, insert invisible quotations, Love Today.

I've been crying for so long,
Fighting tears just to carry on,
But now, but now, it's gone away.

Pretty deep lyrics. I might have been touched by the fact that Mika is "fighting the tears just to carry on" if I wasn't so distracted by this constantly annoying screeching sound.

Oh wait, that's just his voice.

Everybody's gonna love today,
Love today, love today
Everybody's gonna love today,
Anyway you want to, anyway you've got to,
Love love me, love love me, love love.

What... poetry.

Thirdly, Mika is a menace to the media world. Last Thursday evening, I thought it was safe to turn on the television to watch the ending of "So You Think You Can Dance," until to my horror the host announced there would be a "special guest" performing. Mika, I want the three minutes of my life I wasted watching your lip-synching stage-prancing shit back.

Fourthly, his lyrical connotations.. are... well...... an excerpt from "Lollipop" by Mika.

Yo Mika. I said,
sucking too hard on your lollipop,
or love's gonna get you down,
I said,
sucking too hard on your lollipop,
or love's gonna get you down.

Sucking too hard on your lollipop,
or love's gonna get you down,
sucking too hard on your lollipop,
or love's gonna get you down.
Say love, say love,
or love's gonna get you down.
say love, say love,

But most importantly, my reasons for not liking Mika as a musician all come down to his voice. Mika has nearly no singing abilities whatsoever apart from a high-pitched falsetto wail. People have said in reviews that Mika's voice is comparable to that of Freddy Mercury... no.

And anyone who aspires to be a princess, quote; "I want to be like Grace Kelly", is very questionable.

For free kittens (and a really really really annoying tune stuck in your head for the next few hours) click here!!!!!

In summary, Mika please just get out of the public eye.

Go and return to London, re-assume your real identity as "Mica" so your twelve-year old fans googling your name don't keep stumbling across hardcore Asian porn, and please stop wearing those tight pants.

It hurts my eyes.

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