Friday, November 27, 2009


Erm, so I've come to the conclusion over years of speculation that the garden variety pub-crawling Australian male is a real bonehead.

This theory stems from five years of moshpit endurance - (by that I mean enduring the varying specimens of Coopers-guzzling, Southern Cross tattooed and sunburnt horrors that feel the need to squeeze my ass cheek while I'm watching a band).

Last night there were two occasions where I had the misfortune of sitting/standing infront of an asshole of a human being.

Asshole 1: Girl at MAPS UniSA media students screening at Mercury Cinema
Some Uni student 3-minute film showcase thingydoo. I end up sitting in front of some ceaselessly irritating bitch who giggles the entire time - even through a 3-minute documentary about Aspergers Syndrome when an autistic dude on the screen talks about not being able to get a job. Giggle giggle giggle. Oh yeah, real funny, his mental impairment can only get him a shitty job as a cleaner. Laugh it up. You asshole.

After I prise myself off the chairs at the Mercury cinema after a long three hours of wine and listening to chuckling behind me, we venture on to our next point of interest for the night. W'ere off to Jive to see Jeff Martin, former frontman of the Tea Party, which, for the record, was amazing. But which also brings me to....

Asshole 2: Man at Jeff Martin at Jive

Jeff Martin pulled out an entire show-and-tell of Arabic and Eastern instruments, including an Ud he won in a game of Poker in Egypt, played Led Zeppelin covers, had an unbuttoned shirt, said he'd met Keith Richards, rocked out hard - oh was it tacky... but the man's guitar skills and vocals were incomparable to anything I've ever seen and I loooveeeddd eeet.

Except for this fucker behind me, who was consistently belching behind my head a putrid combination of beer and yiros breath, yelling: "WE'RE NOT IN EGYPT BUDDY". (turns to friend) "WHO IS THIS GUY?" "HEY MR MARTIN WHY DONT YOU PLAY SOME REAL MUSIC".

Raaaaaggggeeee. Why the hell did you pay $50 to come to this gig? Why are you here ruining it for the rest of us in a small venue? Did you mistake Jive for the Rosemont? Thankfully he scuttled off three songs into it, probably down to Pizza Rev to get a slice of Margherita and a slice of 13-year-old Rohypnol'd ass.

End rant.

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