Sunday, February 14, 2010


So.... we've been in Thailand for about 14 or so days now. Brief summaries INITIATE.

Currently, we have docked into Phi Phi Island and it is Valentines Day. Spending it in a twizzle-stick sized restaurant entitled "Garlic 1992". The restaurant got like, fucked up hard by the Boxing Day tsunami, and has all these impressive photos of the building carnage on the wall for us to browse as we eat our pad thai. One of our travelling comrades has befallen to the curse of food poisoning, now making that the third one to spend 18 hours foetul-positioned next to a hostel toilet. Fabulous timez all round. Prior to her E coli misfortunes, earlier today we went snorkelling. The water here really does look like the pictures, inky greens and aquamarines. We saw an enormous striped sea cucumber hanging out on some coral, much to our amusement. A sea cucumber, seriously who penned that term. Someone awesome that's who.

We started off our trip in Chiang Mai up north and then moved on to Bangkok and Phuket. Chiang Mai involved elephants, food poisoning (damn Western food, always a trap - why do we never learn?) and a big trekking trip with literally the palest person I've ever seen in my life. Re: photos on facebook later for physical evidence of her luminescent skin. Our convoy also included some lovely Zimbabwean personal trainers, some DC girls and a German blonde with a hilariously strange accent mix of Californian and Scottish. Trip was swell, our guides ended up getting fucked up on moonshine the first night of our trip, playing awful covers of Hey Jude and all the while we all watched tentatively from the campfire.

Bangkok was blisteringly humid, overflowing to the brim with bargain clothes stores and ladyboys and fast tuk-tuks. However it is NOTHING to the absurbity that is Patong Beach in Phuket. After just leaving that place this morning, I can now say that within 48 hours of being that place I have seen a woman pull turtles, eels and budgies out of her nether regions, actually convincing lady boys and street vendors throwing iguanas onto tourists shoulders trying to get money for a photo. Slowly crisping myself and aim to return to Australia with a killa' tan, something akin to ... Tilda Swinton. Yeah.

I've read the only two novels I brought with me for the trip within the first two days of my trip, so now I've taken to stealing books from hostels as I go. My most recent thieving accomplishment was called "Heat," however, which has spent three chapters divulging boring information about Washington State weather (I kid you not, three chapters on that shit), so might buy a Kindle or something, or write more blogs.

I began to write a poem on our boat ride back from Maya beach to the mainland as the sun was setting, but then my friend started vomiting via food poisoning and the tone changed:

Thai sea, like big ink blots diluting through mirrors
A passenger falling in love with the dusky sky,
A passenger vomiting off the side.


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